This is a copy of a talk I gave at our Annual Memorial Service on Sunday 5 November 2023 at Christ Church, Billericay. The Bible Reading was Ecclesiastes 3:1-8.
I first heard those words from Ecclesiastes 3 in the song: Turn, Turn, Turn that was made popular by The Byrd’s during the flower-power era of the 1960’s (A hit in 1965).
It wasn’t until I started attending church that I realised the song was based on words from the Bible. However, we don’t have to be a theologian or a scientist or a folksinger to know that there are ‘times and seasons’ in our lives – as those opening words from Ecclesiastes remind us, vs1: There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven.
1) There is a time … to be Born vs2a
I was born on 13 June 1962, at my parents’ home, 73 Warwick Terrace, in Silksworth, a mining village near Sunderland, County Durham. I guess some of you are now able to place my accent. I was born on a Wednesday (no comments thank you!). But the moment that I entered this world, I became a part of recorded history. My birth was so important that it involved a legal transaction at the Registrar’s Office where they even gave my parents a certificate to mark the occasion.
The moment each one of us came into this world, wasn’t just recorded at the Registrar’s Office, it was also recorded in Heaven. That’s what we read in Psalm 139:16: All the days ordained for me were written in Your book. Every birth is by divine appointment. From our birth to the moment of our death, God is accomplishing His divine purposes in and through us.
And if that’s true, then I’m glad God ordained that my birth would take place in the latter third of the 20C instead of in the 1500’s. I’m glad that I didn’t have to spend most of my day being a ‘hunter / gatherer’ so Paula, Ben and Annabel can eat. Thank God, literally, for shops and supermarkets.
I’m also glad I wasn’t born in the 1800’s with the oppressive working conditions that existed as the Industrial Revolution took hold in our nation. I’m glad I’m one of the baby boomer generation with all the advantages, and disadvantages, that brings with it.
2) There is a time … to Die vs2b
There is a time to be born, but there is also a time to die. The time span between when we take our first breath, to the moment we take our last, seems very short doesn’t it? I’m 61 yrs of age and I often wonder where my life has gone as time seems to pass quicker with each passing year.
Even though our time on earth maybe short, and even though death is something each one of us will face at some point in our lives, it’s a topic we don’t find it easy to talk about. It’s not a very British thing to do.
However, it’s becoming more prevalent for people to plan their own funerals, or write down their requests, these days and discussions between loved ones and families aren’t as taboo as they once were, and this makes it so much easier when planning a funeral.
As a Christian, I believe we can talk positively about death because of Jesus’ resurrection. Because when Jesus rose from the dead on that first Easter Sunday, He abolished the power of death once and for all and gives all of us a certain and sure hope that death is not the end but only the beginning.
And, in the words of the funeral service, He: Takes away our fear of death as an enemy; and gives us comfort and renewed strength … and, in the grief of separation gives us hope and faith as we put our whole trust and confidence in Him.
3) There is a time … to Weep and a time to Mourn vs4
There is also a time to weep and mourn. All of us here this afternoon knows the heartache that comes with weeping and mourning. For some of us, those feelings are very raw and for others, time has dulled the pain. No-one is exempt from, or is going to escape, the pains and sorrows of grief.
I’ve taken many funeral services during my time in Billericay, I vividly remember the life and death of many of the names read out earlier. I’ve taken the services of some very good friends and I’ve found them to be painful and deeply emotional. It doesn’t get easier for any of us. It’s overwhelming at times.
Australian singer Nick Cave, who lost his 15 yr old son in tragic circumstances, wrote this in response to a question about how he was feeling:
It seems to me, that if we love, we grieve. That’s the deal. That’s the pact. Grief and love are forever intertwined. Grief if the terrible reminder of the depths of our love and, like love, grief is non-negotiable. There is a vastness to grief that overwhelms our miniscule selves.
And Jesus knew this for himself. In the Garden of Gethsemane, the night before He was arrested, Jesus gave a startling confession when He confided to his disciples how he was feeling (Mark 14:34): My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow, to the point of death. I’m sure most of us have felt overwhelmed with sorrow, to the point of death through the experience of bereavement. I know I have.
It wasn’t because Jesus was afraid of dying that he felt this way, because he knew he was going to rise again from the dead, Jesus felt this way because he knew he was going to be separated from God the Father on the cross.
The shortest verse in the Bible is John’s Gospel 11:35. And it’s a verse which records quite simply, yet so movingly: Jesus wept. Jesus, the Son of God wept – it never ceases to amaze me. Jesus wept because one of his friends, Lazarus, had died. Jesus wept in sorrow at the sense of desolation and loss that death brings. Jesus wept out of sympathy and empathy for the heartache for his friends.
I don’t know about you, but I couldn’t relate to a Jesus who wasn’t able to share my grief. A Jesus who never wept could wipe away my tears. A Jesus who never suffered mental anguish would be able to understand my pain. A Jesus who had never experienced grief would be able to share my sorrow. Jesus acknowledged his innermost feelings and it’s because he understands how we feel that we can confidently put our faith and trust in Him.
We’ll never lose that sense of separation from our loved ones and it’s right, it seems to me, that we continue to cherish our memories with tears and laughter and that we are continuously thankful for the joys and sorrows of life we have shared, and for the legacy they’ve left in our hearts and minds.
4) There is a time … to Live (to laugh and to dance) vs4
As well as a time to be born, to die, to weep and to mourn, there’s also a time to live! Our reading doesn’t quite say that, but it does say there is a time to laugh and a time to dance.
It’s not easy to ‘get on with life’ or settle into a ‘new’ normal after a bereavement – and not to feel guilty for doing so. However, the circle of life the animated film ‘The Lion King’ so beautifully portrays, continues.
This reading mentions ‘time’ a lot. And we all know it takes time to want to start living again after we’ve lost a loved one. What can sometimes be helpful in this situation is a renewed sense of hope and purpose for the future – which isn’t always easy to come by. But that’s exactly what God has provided for us in Jesus. Even in times of weakness, despair, grief and disbelief, God gives hope and purpose to each of us here this afternoon. Jesus can turn our tears into laughter and our mourning into joy.
And that is why this service is so important. The Church has celebrated All Saints Day for over a thousand years and it celebrates the belief that those who die with a Christian faith have nothing to fear from death as they continue their relationship with God beyond the grave.
Conclusion
One of the recurring themes in the book of Ecclesiastes is the phrase ‘everything is meaningless’ and sometimes, when we reflect on how we feel when we’ve lost someone close to us, life does feel meaningless. Each one of us here know how the pain of grief leaves us with a feeling of emptiness that simply won’t disappear.
However, I sincerely believe that God can fill that empty space in your hearts and lives and give us lasting hope in death, light in darkness and comfort in our sorrow.
And finally, … in amongst all your memories, emotions, doubts and sorrow this afternoon, I would urge you to be thankful for the privilege you’ve had to know and share the life of those you remember today. I would also urge you to put your hope and trust in Jesus and not turn away from the compassion and love, comfort, strength and peace that you can receive from Him not only this afternoon, but each and every day. Amen.
Memorial Service 2023 – Service Sheet
COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: The text contained in this sermon is solely owned by its author, Revd Paul A. Carr. The reproduction, or distribution of this message, or any portion of it, should include the author’s name.
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