It started with that person—the one who could turn a good day sour with a single comment. Maybe it was a critical parent, a passive-aggressive coworker, or a friend who always made everything about them. You’ve tried avoiding them, arguing with them, even pleasing them—nothing worked.

However, in ‘How to Hug a Porcupine’ by June Eding and Dr. Debbie Ellis, remind us that people aren’t obstacles; they’re opportunities to grow in love. Here’s how the key lessons in this book can make a difference.

  1. Porcupines Don’t Mean to Prick You—They’re Just Scared.
    The book’s core insight: “Behind every thorny behavior is an unmet need.” Snappishness often masks fear. Sarcasm hides hurt. Instead of reacting to the barbs, I started asking: “What pain might be driving this?” It didn’t excuse bad behaviour—but it helped me respond with compassion instead of anger.
  2. You Can’t Change Them—But You Can Change You.
    Trying to “fix” difficult people only frustrates everyone. The authors advise: “Focus on what you can control: your boundaries, your reactions, your attitude.” They suggest to stop feeding toxic dynamics (like arguing or gossiping) and watched relationships shift.
  3. Boundaries Are Love Wrapped in Courage.
    Loving a porcupine doesn’t mean letting them quill you endlessly. The book teaches: “You can say ‘I care about you’ and ‘This isn’t okay’ in the same sentence.” Practice clear, kind limits: “I’d love to talk, but I can’t do yelling. Let’s try again when we’re calm.”
  4. Sometimes the Porcupine Is You.
    Ouch. The authors gently point out: “We all have prickly moments.” Be honest and notice when you are the difficult one—stressed, snippy, or selfish—and apologized faster. Humility disarms conflict.
  5. Small Gestures Build Bridges.
    You don’t need grand gestures to soften a porcupine. The book suggests:
  • A sincere compliment (“You handled that situation really well.”)
  • A shared laugh (Humor disarms!)
  • A simple “I appreciate you”

6. Not Every Porcupine Belongs in Your Life
Some relationships are toxic beyond repair. The authors reassure: “It’s okay to love from a distance.” Learn to discern between difficult people (who can grow) and destructive ones (who drain your soul).

7. Hugging Porcupines Makes You Kinder.
The surprise lesson? Dealing with prickly people stretches your patience, empathy, and grace – qualities that enrich all your relationships. I started seeing tough interactions as “love workouts.”

    How to Hug a Porcupine isn’t about tolerating abuse or being a doormat. It’s about loving wisely—with both warmth and boundaries. Don’t just survive difficult people; learn to love them (and yourself) better.

    Porcupines need love too—they just don’t know how to ask for it. This book teaches you how to offer it… without getting shredded in the process.

    Book/Audiobook: https://amzn.to/4jEIttt