A diseased Lime tree next to Saint Mary’s church in Billericay High Street (the one on the left in the picture without Christmas Lights) will soon be deceased and is to be felled after a severe pollard wasn’t enough to save it from the dreaded ‘Kretzschmaria Deusta’ (there has been a minefield of interested parties in this because there is a Tree Preservation Order in place).

The tree is affectionately known as ‘Mr Stumpy’ and has become something of a sensation on Social Media (check out the Billericay Discussion Page on Facebook) and in the wider community. There has been a lot of good humour and wit demonstrated throughout.

This is a copy of my post to social media in November 2020 Social Media Statement on Mr Stumpy – 28 November 2017

I recently won an online poll of ‘selfies’ taken with Mr Stumpy (which was rather unexpected, and slightly ironic, given that I’m the one who’s made the arrangements for the tree to be felled!) and was awarded a commemorative plaque and a bottle of Prosecco by Matt Everard.  We did one happy photo and one with more of a reflective, sad vibe about Stumpys impending fate.

This is my acceptance speech (with a nod to the Oscars):

Wow! What can I say? This moment is so much bigger than me. Thank you. I’m overwhelmed, humbled, flattered and appreciate your ongoing support. I am so honoured that you have chosen me to be the recipient of this ‘once in a lifetime’ Mr Stumpy award. The plaque will take pride of place in my study. I’d like to thank: my family (who will help me drink the Prosecco); my Congregation; my Parishioners; my Social Media Friends; the Parochial Church Council; Billericay Town Council; Basildon Borough Council; Chelmsford Diocese; my manager; my agent; my window cleaner and anyone else who knows me. I’d also like to thank my fellow pollsters and the ever ebullient Matt Everard for organising the poll and last, but not least, ‘Mr Stumpy’ without whom none of this would have been possible. Thank you all!

Elton John was approached to release a Christmas single ‘Goodbye Billericay’s Mr Stumpy’ sung to the tune of ‘Candle In the Wind’ – unfortunately, we’ve received no response as yet.

I offer the following lyrics (with apologies to Bernie Taupin). Be sure to sing along – you can use this piano version, without words, if that helps!

Goodbye Mr Stumpy
Though we hardly knew you at all.
You had the fortune to place yourself
On a memorial for lives torn apart.
You reached out to our Community
Through sun and wind and rain.
And soon you will be no-more
But we won’t forget your name.

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a Lime tree in the wind.
Never fading with the sunset
Or when the rain set in.
And I would have liked to have known you
When I was just a kid.
Your leaves have fallen long before
Your legend ever will.

Being riddled with disease was tough
The toughest role you ever played.
Social Media created a superstar
But the felling order stayed.
And even though we try
The truth brings us to tears;
All our words cannot express
The joy you brought us through the years.

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a Lime tree in the wind.
Never fading with the sunset
Or when the rain set in.
And I would have liked to have known you
When I was just a kid.
Your leaves have fallen long before
Your legend ever will.

Goodbye Mr Stumpy,
Though we hardly knew you at all.
You had the fortune to place yourself,
On a memorial for lives torn apart.
You reached out to our Community,
Through sun and wind and rain.
Now you will soon be no-more,
But we won’t forget your name.

Goodbye Billericay’s Stumpy
From a community lost without your soul.
Who’ll miss your leaves and presence
More than you’ll ever know.
Your leaves have fallen long before
Your legend ever will.
Your leaves have fallen long before
Your legend ever will.

UPDATE – 20 December 2017

Hazels Pottery Barn created exclusive commemorative mugs for myself and Matt – much appreciated Hazel.  Thank you. A photo of this and ‘Mr Stumpy’s’ Stump are shown below.